come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
