The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
