She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
