You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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