people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
