it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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