Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
