i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
