i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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