Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
