dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
