The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
