What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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