When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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