so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
