dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
