yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
