Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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