I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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