mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
