My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
