Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
