No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
