I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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