4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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