if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
