Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
