Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
