ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
