Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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