Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
