My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
