we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is Oprah even human
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
