u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize