Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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