Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
