stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
