Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize