There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize