Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
