Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
