I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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