dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
