And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
