I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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