Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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