HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
