Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
