I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
