She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
