My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
