i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
