so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
