I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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