You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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