He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
