Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
where does the pee come out of this thing
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
