3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
