just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
