He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
