After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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