My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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