there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
