Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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