No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
