My first STD was from a foam party
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
