what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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