She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
