he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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