i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
