My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
