I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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