His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
