I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
