The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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