Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
