If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
