he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
